Mutual and Tinder are popular dating apps, and they are not altogether bad. However, are they really helping you reach your goals? For some, perhaps they are. However, for many of us there is probably a better way. Below is a story from a friend of ours, Elysia, about her experience with Mutual.
I came home after church and face planted into my bed in utter
despair! I was frustrated and tired of my dating life in my hometown singles
ward. I felt rejected, insecure, and completely unlovable. So, I did what any
ordinary person would do: I picked up my phone and started swiping through
mutual! It was my self-esteem’s haven, my only comfort, my sunshine on a rainy
day, to see the promising exclamation “it’s mutual!” reassured me that at least
someone thought I was attractive!
However, upon meeting him it became clear very quickly that
who he was in real life was not congruent with who I had pictured in my mind!
He looked the same, but he wasn’t the same. There was something off.
Conversation that flowed so naturally over text felt forced and awkward in
person. He didn’t use facial expressions the way I had imagined. He wasn’t as
playful in person. There was absolutely zero chemistry. And I ended up crushing
his little heart.
Now, things could have been much, much worse. Unfortunately,
some people have been sexually assaulted by people they have met on dating
apps. Others have used these apps as a means to hook-up or participate in NCMO’s, only to feel a lot of regret afterwards. Although my experience was unpleasant, those types of experiences are far more damaging to someone's well-being than was mine. But I was clearly blinded by the infatuation I felt while texting for two weeks and had the wrong idea going into this mutual
date. This is something that could have been avoided. My expectations (and
his) could have been more realistic if we had met in real life from the beginning,
rather than making assumptions about how well we knew each other. Even though
it was only two weeks, we invested a lot of time and energy into something that
really wasn’t. To help you avoid the same mistake I made, here are a couple
suggestions:
If you must use Mutual,
use it wisely
While using mutual, meet them in real life as soon as
possible! Once you match, ask your match on a date! You don’t need to spend a
lot of money or do anything elaborate, because it’s #justadate! Just get to
know them and follow the instructions here to avoid messing up the first date. If you are the girl and you feel weird
about asking a guy on a date, you can encourage him to ask you by saying
something like “Hey! I’d really like to meet sometime!” (obviously, always take
caution when meeting people from electronic sources, suggest meeting in a
public place during daylight hours, or even start with a double date).
Mutual, but in real
life
From what I’ve observed, the top reason people use mutual is
because they don’t want to go on dates with any of the people they already know,
and they are having trouble meeting new people. But let’s be real, even if you
do use mutual wisely as a tool to meet and date people, it’s a lot more fun to
go out with friends and meet new people than it is to sit on the toilet and
swipe through a bunch of profiles of people you’ll probably never meet. Instead,
network through the people you already know! There are opportunities to meet
new people all around us without using mutual! This can be done in a number of
ways:
*Hang out with groups of friends and meet their friends! Once
you make friends with your friend’s friends, then meet their friends!! Then ask
your new friends on dates!
*Ask your friends if they know anyone who’s single and would
be a good fit for you
*Sit next to someone new at church every week
*Join a club or join a ‘get involved’ group through student
living (BYUI)
*Catch up with old missionary companions
*After you meet new people, invite them to do things with
you! (Going to Wal-Mart? Invite someone to go with you! Going to devo? Invite
someone to go with you! Going on a hike? Invite everyone you know!)
These methods of meeting people require more effort (and
maybe more discomfort) than swiping up and down or left and right, but at least
you’ll be doing something! You’ll be having fun, creating memories, and
expanding your pool of potential dates!
A happy ending
After that little disappointing mutual incident, I deleted
my mutual account and started making an effort to connect with people in real
life. I got in touch with a district leader from my mission, we started dating
and now we’re engaged! In the meantime, I helped another missionary from that
district meet one of my new friends and they started dating and now they are
engaged too! You never know what could happen if you just invite someone to do
something with you, meet new people, and ask people on dates!
